Kaikoura, New Zealand

I came here with one thing in mind: swimming with dolphins. There was a 05:30am trip or an 08:30 trip. The 05:30 trip was recommended by someone I'd met, as the dolphins fed over night, had full bellies and were playful until the sun's up when they have a kip (Incidentally they sleep one brain hemisphere at a time). So, I book the dolphin swim and check into the hostel. This YHA must have the best view from the bedroom of any hostel that I've ever stayed in. The view over the bay to the mountains is jaw-dropping - a view you could quite easily spend the rest of your life looking at.

After a bottle of crisp New Zealand white last night I head to bed. I'm startled awake by an air-raid siren - my initial thought was TSUNAMI! Others in the dorm thought the same, and we waited to see if the hostel owner came to drag everyone out and up to the hills. No-one came so we assumed all was ok and went back to sleep with one eye open. My 4am alarm sounds and I'm startled awake again. The dolphins and cool water help me exit the bed. I thought I'd be the only one on the swim - who on earth's going to want to get up at this time? Turns out it's a full trip - 20 people (mostly Germans) are ready to swim. We're kitted with super-tight wetsuits, flippers, masks and hoods for the cold cold sea. Jumping on a bus we're taken to a harbour 20 minutes away - and loaded onto a boat that's out of the water. I've never been on a boat out the water before! We're gently lowered in and soon on our way - hunting dolphins with our eyes. We're all told to keep a lookout and within 10 minutes there's fins popping out all around us and we stop. We quickly perch on the back of the boat ready to slide into the clear, icy water. By now the dolphins are showing-off and jumping around us - somersaults and back-flips. The staff tell us that the pod is possibly 100+ and they're extremely playful - we're lucky to be getting in, but maybe they say that to everyone :)

In the water we're all making ridiculous noises to attract their attention. I can't help but think it must confuse them more than attract them, but they come and check us all out - circling and eyeballing us. There's an amazing feeling staring into the eye of a dolphin - something moves inside you. We're in the water for over an hour - with occasional jumps back onto the boat to track a different pod.

Back on the boat we get changed and have some hot chocolate with biscuits - a nice touch! Unfortunately I'm still waiting on pictures of me in the water. I'll post them if they ever turn up.

The area around Kaikoura is insanely beautiful and wild. The town has a seaside resort feel but if not for tourism would be a quarter of the size I'm sure. Whale watching, seal spotting and tramping are high on the agenda here also.

Wellington, New Zealand

Another lovely journey on the intercity through the Tongariro national park and its highly active volcano. As usual the drivers are super-informative and friendly. We stop at a curious farm cafe for a coffee and savoury scone. Out back there's some ducks, chickens, sheeps and some fluffy Llama type animals. In Wellington i'm dropped off at the main bus terminal then take a windy walk through town to the enormous YHA - this place has six floors!

Let it be known from the start that I love this place. This city was designed for people. Everything connects together perfectly. You can amble about along the whole waterfront, taking in bars, businesses, the museum, planks to jump into the crystal blue harbour from, sailing clubs, rowing clubs, helicopter taxi's - the list is endless. Businessmen on skateboards, joggers and cyclists happily share the board walk. There's no sense of one-up-man-ship here - no feeling of 'my house is bigger than your house' or 'my boat is faster than your boat' - everybody just seems happy to be there, and why wouldn't they?

20 minutes on the bus and you're on a remote beach at Island bay. From here are walking/cycling tracks around the point to red rocks and a seal colony - but it was off-season, and there was only one seal. Back in the city you can get up Mount Victoria in 45 minutes with an amazing 360 of the whole area. Down a track and some steep roads brings you back to sea level, and a beach fronted by some beautiful houses. This is where I shall live, if I ever come into some money - everything is so expensive. beer I ever drunk, at $11 (£5.50) for a pint - eek

My usually great YHA experience was tainted by two young German guys in the dorm - and they were without doubt the two most annoying bastards I've ever had the misfortune to share with. I got back the room at lunchtime to collect something and they were asleep, the room was pitch dark and stuffy with the windows closed. I grabbed my stuff and headed back out. Getting back to the room about 5pm they'd just got out of bed, I said hi but got no response. The window was still closed and the curtains drawn - I opened them, to looks of disgust. There were many power sockets in the room in use, charging their phones, laptops and mp3 players. I asked to use the one next to my bed and received a "no". I pointed at a spare one next to their bunk and said use that one. They couldn't as there was no signal there, and the phone was downloading. I bluntly said that I'm going to use this socket, just for 20 minutes, and unplugged the phone. Then they were obviously imitating my frustration in German. As they'd been sleeping all day they were full of beans - they didn't go out and talked and talked and talked - several times I told them to be quiet. At 2am they woke me up leaving the room and I though AHHH great, now I can get sleep, as I need to get the ferry at 7am next morning. They came back half an hour later with a McDonalds, eating it in the room and talking talking talking! I couldn't beleive it. I didn't say anything, I took some deep breaths to relax and put thoughts of killing them both out of my head and tried to get some sleep. What can you do? Some people really are arseholes.  

Picton, New Zealand

Quite tired after the annoying German twins last night I wander onto the 8am inter-island ferry, heading for the south island. The crossing is fantastic, with clears skies and a cool, refreshing breeze - this (and two coffees) soon clear my sleepy head.

Arriving in Picton there's two hours to kill, so I head for some fish and chips with (ironically) two nice Germans I'd met on the boat. This is where an epic brain-fart started, lasting two days. I missed my one o'clock bus. I saw it driving past then realised. This meant staying in Picton for a night until the bus the next day! I got on the intercity website and booked a bus for the next day.

Turns out Picton is beautiful, with a pretty little harbour and quiet town. The YHA is like someone's house from old times. It was full of characters: a hippy Dutch motorcyclist, an 86 year old Englishman (just recovering from a stroke and going against his doctors advice not to travel) visiting his nephew, a young Dutch guy with a serious speech impediment, a slightly crazy Swedish lady and a down-to-earth Irish dude from Cork (the only place I've been to in Ireland). I spent the afternoon walking in the hills and lazing about in the sunshine near the harbour. 

Next day I go to get the bus at 1pm and the driver says that my name's not on the list. I tell him that I definitely booked it and he calls the head office. He tells me that I'd booked the 9am bus, and that was long gone! He laughs at my stupidity and kindly lets me on the bus. *brain fart!*

YHA 

Rotorua, New Zealand

This place is like a movie set. Little chocolate-box houses sit on freshly manicured lawns protected by cute little fences. The roads are dead quiet - there's little traffic. The first thing you notice is the eggy stench as you enter the town. There's steaming egg flavoured geysers everywhere - even the church car park has steam hissing out of it. This is why people come here - and the various geo-thermal wonderlands (Wai O Tapu being the most famous) attract many day-trippers from around New Zealand.

I checked into a Nomad hostel again! I know I said I wouldn't after Auckland but the travel desk told me it was much quieter - which it is. Unlike Auckland the rooms are huge and airy, with big opening windows letting in lovely fresh egg-air! On arrival I had an 8-bed dorm to myself.

Geysers tearing up the street - and not pissed-up London geysers!

Maori pattern

The lake

Rush hour

I went for a walk to the thermal area next to the lake. There's a few spa's here using the natural heat from the ground for the jacuzzi's and mineral pools. I was keen to have a spa, but it was quite pricey, and there were lots of couples - I would feel a little odd sitting there alone. Past the thermal area is the stunning old colonial bath house - now an art gallery and museum. With the bowling green in front it's screaming England at me! I chat about the weather with a friendly bowler, like a true Englishman.

Further round is a visitor centre, a few cafe's and a helicopter tour operator - with landing pads floating out on the bay. I sit and watch the heli-tours come and go. I have this geeky obsession with aviation, in particular helicopters. Several times I've thought about blowing my savings on lessons, with the view to becoming a pilot in some beautiful part of the world - Alaska, the Caribbean, Norway, Pacific island hopping... but it costs (on average) $90,000 to get a basic commercial licence - then you need 1000's of flight hours to even be looked at by one of these exotic positions - and there's minimal positions out there (I've checked!). Most likely you'd be servicing oil rigs, or flying rubber dog shit out of China.

I continue walking around the lake then turn back when the zinging midday sunshine fades and an evening chill starts to bite - I love this weather.

That evening four mid-twenties German girls check into the dorm. One is half-German half-Thai - a pleasing combination. They're all very friendly and certainly not shy - getting changed in front of me doesn't seem to bother them in the slightest (do they not know my ageing heart can't cope with that kind of stress??) They try and get me out on the pub crawl but I decline, stating that I don't drink (not actually too far from the truth at the moment), and get into bed with my laptop (at this very moment I can hear face-palming!)

Auckland, New Zealand

I had to transfer planes in Melbourne - an English passenger freaked me out by telling me I needed a Australian visa for transferring. This made no sense, and I the interweb didn't mention anything of this, but the lack of sleep was exaggerating everything and all through security I was convinced I was going to get deported back to Bali. Turns out there was no issue with a visa for transferring passengers, he was full of shit. The only issue was the ridiculously drawn-out luggage screening process, on a transfer. My bags were screened 4 times in Indonesia before I got on the plane. Where do they thing I'd been since then?? 

On the plane my paranoia turned to New Zealand immigration, and the little form they hand out asking a million questions about what you have with you, and where have you been. I was positive on 2 of these questions - I was carrying coffee beans and I'd been jungle trekking in the last 30 days. I thought this over a lot. I'd better declare the coffee beans, as they're sure to scan my luggage. The trekking I decided to half-declare, as it'd been nearly 30 days since Borneo, and I'd been walking around the volcanoes of Java for a week. When interviewed at immigration (they're strict!) I mentioned the beans and she let them pass. I said that I'd been trekking around some volcanoes and she looked at the soles of my boots - and let them pass also. Good-o! New Zealand here I am!

I'd booked into the fat camel nomad hostel. Each floor was like an apartment with 4 or 5 rooms, each containing 3 bunk beds - the rooms could barely fit these bunk beds. On entering the room there were some 20 year old's discussing last nights bucket drinking feats, and whether or not the alcohol was as strong as it is in Europe. I said hi (and was mostly ignored) and went to the bedroom. Mom - when you came into my room as a teenager and asked me if a bomb had exploded, I have the utmost understanding and sympathy at this point! There were clothes, bags, washing products and wires EVERYWHERE! It was incredibly muskly, like no fresh air had ever passed through. I was exhausted from the journey and after some food I was asleep. I woke early the next morning, and in the bed opposite were boy and girl in bottom bunk, and underneath me were boy and girl in bottom bunk! I hate it when couples book shared dorm's then decide to sleep in the same bed - it's just rude - or maybe that's just me being a prude.

The non-humid cool air is literally a breath of fresh air - I can feel my lungs grabbing as much as they can hold. It was a little rainy from the "mini-hurricane" which had passed over - this left the ground soggy and I LOVE that soggy grassy tree-bark smell - it's incredibly comforting! Walking past a group of taxi drivers and them not even noticing you feels a little odd - I almost want to say hey guys, possible fare here! Just not standing out like a sore thumb feels nice - although I do stand out a little, as I'm remarkably browner than everyone else (apart from the Maori's). There's a great "who shot the stars" exhibition at the Auckland gallery - showcasing the best rock and roll photography over the decades. There was also a cute outdoor salsa night on at the local square - I went there instead of a pub crawl they were trying to get me to go on at the hostel.

Auckland is OK, nothing special. I was ready to head south within one day.

Post-mini-hurricane

Sniff sniff - ahhhh !!

Kuta, Bali, Indonesia

I'm only here because I fly to New Zealand in a few days. It also means I have completed the three "krazy K's" (Kathmandu, KhaoSan, Kuta).

Kuta's like an extremely tanned, toned, beautiful, young, noisy, flowering tree - wearing flip-flops and an alcohol-branded t-shirt, and sporting many tattoos. I feel like a little white stick-insect clinging to the edge of this foliage, unable to enter! It's a Bintang beer army and they're planning something. Most people are Australian - the touts and sellers know this and when you approach they shout "G'day mate, how's it ghan?" At first It was funny, and I would say "ah man, I'm from England!" (which some then reply with "lovely jubbly!") but after a few days, and hundreds of people (per hour) saying this I now plug myself into the mp3 player when walking around. Who can blame them though? There's lots of money here and the sellers have t-shirts, massages, Viagra, cigarettes, stubby-holders, air-guns, marijuana, motorbikes, tazers, stickers saying "I fuck retarded midgets", sunglasses, crossboes, surfboards, island excursions, hats, wooden penis bottle openers, money changing, food and beer to sell.

My day goes like this;

6am - wake up and take the 15 minute walk to the beach when it's quiet. Run, read and relax in the nice morning air. 8am - the surfboard sellers arrive on the beach - hire a board for two hours and surf (badly). 10am - back to the guest house and have some breakfast by the pool. 11am until 4pm - stay in the guest house reading, writing and cooling off in the pool. 5pm - Sunset walk with the camera, then find somewhere for dinner before the Bintang evening army gets out (I guiltily had a KFC one day). 7pm - Back to the guest house past the already busy bars pumping out EXTREMELY loud English and American chart hits. 8pm - In bed sleeping!

The beach itself is is long, sandy and a little dirty. The high-tide line leaves a colourful line of washed up plastic and dead wood. This morning it was nice to see the "Bali beach clean-up team" sponsored by Coca-Cola and Quicksilver) - but curiously they only cleaned away the big pieces of wood and seaweed. I can only assume as this causes more of a hazard for the hundreds of surfers and swimmers than a little plastic bottle.