Kuta, Bali, Indonesia

I'm only here because I fly to New Zealand in a few days. It also means I have completed the three "krazy K's" (Kathmandu, KhaoSan, Kuta).

Kuta's like an extremely tanned, toned, beautiful, young, noisy, flowering tree - wearing flip-flops and an alcohol-branded t-shirt, and sporting many tattoos. I feel like a little white stick-insect clinging to the edge of this foliage, unable to enter! It's a Bintang beer army and they're planning something. Most people are Australian - the touts and sellers know this and when you approach they shout "G'day mate, how's it ghan?" At first It was funny, and I would say "ah man, I'm from England!" (which some then reply with "lovely jubbly!") but after a few days, and hundreds of people (per hour) saying this I now plug myself into the mp3 player when walking around. Who can blame them though? There's lots of money here and the sellers have t-shirts, massages, Viagra, cigarettes, stubby-holders, air-guns, marijuana, motorbikes, tazers, stickers saying "I fuck retarded midgets", sunglasses, crossboes, surfboards, island excursions, hats, wooden penis bottle openers, money changing, food and beer to sell.

My day goes like this;

6am - wake up and take the 15 minute walk to the beach when it's quiet. Run, read and relax in the nice morning air. 8am - the surfboard sellers arrive on the beach - hire a board for two hours and surf (badly). 10am - back to the guest house and have some breakfast by the pool. 11am until 4pm - stay in the guest house reading, writing and cooling off in the pool. 5pm - Sunset walk with the camera, then find somewhere for dinner before the Bintang evening army gets out (I guiltily had a KFC one day). 7pm - Back to the guest house past the already busy bars pumping out EXTREMELY loud English and American chart hits. 8pm - In bed sleeping!

The beach itself is is long, sandy and a little dirty. The high-tide line leaves a colourful line of washed up plastic and dead wood. This morning it was nice to see the "Bali beach clean-up team" sponsored by Coca-Cola and Quicksilver) - but curiously they only cleaned away the big pieces of wood and seaweed. I can only assume as this causes more of a hazard for the hundreds of surfers and swimmers than a little plastic bottle.

Ubud, Bali, Indonesia

I wanted to get to Kuta to pick up a motorbike so I could go inland to Ubud and further north to some more volcanoes. Bizarrely there's no bus to Kuta (the main tourist area) from the capital. I grudgingly pay 50,000 for a minivan to take me. In Kuta I hire a motorbike for 5 days and head to the hills.

Getting out of Kuta and back though Denpasar is a nightmare - the traffic is horrendous. Once out though the roads are great, and fairly empty. I keep going north and ascending higher and higher. As I approach the mount Batur caldera is starts to rain. I have no raincoat and get soaked - which is extremely refreshing at first but the cool altitude air soon makes you cold! After seeing Bromo in Java this area is nothing special but still nice. On the roads around the caldera people actually ride up to you on their bikes and try and sell you tours or trinkets, or stop you to "talk" - in all the times I've had to say no to someone selling something it's the first time on a motorbike!

Quite cold now I head for Ubud, further back down to the coast. I stop at a coffee plantation for a kopi Luwak. A Luwak is a cute furry thing that looks like a weasel. They eat the coffee beans and poo them out intact. People collect, clean and roast these beans - the beans journey is supposed to add to the flavour. The owner brought out a range of different coffee and tea for me to try (and ultimately buy from the extensive shop). I would say the Luwak kopi tastes rich, and like chocolate - but would never replace traditional coffee for me. I wanted to say hello to the Luwak out of the cage but it was sleeping and the guy said no :(

Many flavour coffee and tea - Luwak kopi in the china cup 

Sleepy Luwak

Ubud's nice. There's a billion spa's and art galleries and some FABULOUS architecture. Traditional Balinese architecture is incredible - the most beautiful and geometric I've ever seen. The shapes and details are truly astonishing. Hindu temples containing this wonderful art are everywhere - even most homes have their own temple. I stayed at Eka's home stay which has a fine family temple attached. 

I went to the monkey forest! On entrance you can buy bananas but as soon as you walk in you're mobbed - monkeys climbing all over you trying to grab the bananas! A particularly large one jumped on me and took the whole bunch. I love monkeys, but not all over me. Even when you have no food they tug at stuff, or try and grab your water bottle or sunglasses - keep everything locked down is the rule here.

On the ride back to Kuta I got stopped by the insanely corrupt police. I've heard that most tourists get stopped at least once on bikes - I spoke to one guy who'd paid out over 1,000,000 Rupiah in fines! The reason for stopping me was that my front wheel was on a pedestrian crossing when stopped at a red light. When he told me this I seriously thought it was a joke. As we were speaking, locals were JUMPING the red light with no helmet, some were even going the wrong way over the red light!! Corrupt policeman #1 showed me a piece of "official" printed A4 paper stating a 500,000 fine. I said that I wouldn't pay it... I can't pay it - I literally didn't have that cash on me. I had 250,000 and he said "give me this" I said no, and that I would give them 20,000. At this point another corrupt policeman turned up and they had a conversation. The corrupt policeman #2 turned to me and got angry, saying I must pay now or I go to court - he was certainly trying to freak me out. Corrupt policeman #1 was now making 'don't mess with him' faces at me. I slapped 200,000 in his hand and he put it in his pocket then said "go".

Back at the guest house I was speaking to a Balinese lady. She said "Just get a court slip from them and leave - pay nothing. Nothing will come of it. I know because my husband is a policeman! You can't do anything in Bali without being ripped off, everybody is corrupt!" - then she ranted about a printer cartridge that she'd taken in and it'd been swapped or something.

I wanted to get stopped again, to test the theory - but never did! :) 

Java to Bali - not my favourite journey

I now needed to get to the next island in the Indonesian chain. The Cemoro Lawang sexy bus dropped me outside a private bus shop - with (of course) someone there to "meet" me. He was trying to get me on his bus to the ferry port (for 50,000 Rupiah), where I could get across to Bali. I really wanted to get the train - and was convinced it was cheaper. The bus guy said that the train station was far, far away. The problem is you're never quite sure if they're just saying that to get you on their bus, but it's not a problem - I can get a local bus across the town. This, also according to the bus guy, was not possible. Now I know this isn't true - there's ALWAYS a bus to somewhere from somewhere! I asked a few local drivers but didn't get much sense. After 20 minutes the bus guy came back and said he'd take me to the station for 10,000 - I agreed. It wasn't so far away - maybe 10 minutes drive. I booked a ticket but had to wait until 4pm for the train to arrive. The ticket was 30,000 - so in total I've only saved 10,000 Rupiah by not catching the bus - and I have to wait for two hours! The moral of this story? Stop being so stubborn and GET THE BUS THAT'S OFFERED TO YOU!!

In the station I needed the toilet. A guy who was hanging about said it would cost "dua ribu" (two thousand). I paid and sat back down, then noticed two other men sitting with him, all looking at me and laughing. Someone else wanted the toilet and asked how much to which he replied "Satu" - meaning one. I know I know I know, this is peanuts - one thousand is nothing - but, tired from an early start and with a very sore knee, I was annoyed (more by the sniggering than the money). I went over and tried to say that I heard the toilet was one thousand for a local but two for a tourist? They just sat there grinning at me, saying "dua dua". I sat back down, plugged myself into my mp3 player, closed my eyes and waited for the train.

The train took 5 hours to get to the ferry port (another reason to get the bus!). At the port I decided to find somewhere to stay as it was now nearly 10pm. I walked up and down the main street, but there was nothing in my price range so I got on the ferry. The ferry was small, and had an extremely loud karaoke system in the lounge! Thank you mp3 player - sometimes I have no idea what I would've done without it on this trip. Occasionally looking out of the window it seemed like we were going around in circles. I went outside to see what was happening and we were going around in circles. The driver was trying to park at the car ramp but couldn't. We would approach at bad angles, but instead of adjusting it the driver would pull completely back and go around for another attempt. No joke: this went on for 30 minutes! I'm guessing the driver was a trainee.

At the port in Bali there's nothing but organised tour buses at this time (midnight) - I needed to get to the capital (Denpasar). The next bus wasn't until 7am. I considered sleeping on the grass verge but decided that A: I wouldn't be able to sleep and B: my stuff might get robbed if I did nod off. I met a man who's uncle had a hotel nearby and they did me a good rate, as It was late. He took me there on his motorbike. The hotel room was posh - aircon and a massive plush bed! This, I was utterly glad to see - and I slept like a baby.

Next morning and my knee was fine, like nothing had ever happened. I walked out of the hotel and was confronted with a giant Buddha - how I missed you! I got on the Denpasar bus - this journey would cost me 30,000 and take 5 hours. On the bus were 3 young Balinese lads. They seemed highly amused by my presence and whispered to each other then snickered while glancing at me. They then were taking pictures 'secretly'. I know there's a language barrier but did they think I was completely stupid? This went on for about an hour - I ignored them - once again plugging myself in! I don't mind if people talk to me, or ask for a picture - I like meeting people - but when it's done like this it's just weird!!