Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam

I much prefer Saigon as the city name (no disrespect to Ho Chi Minh intended) and this is our last stop in Vietnam. After some mildly "meh" beach breaks it feels good to be back in the city. We arrive in a cracking storm in the evening. I love 'em, I could sit for hours watching the skies for piercing forks of light and feeling the ground-trembling rumbles of thunder. Off the bus it's wet, but we don't have far to go to the hotel (Hoang Kahn - $15 per night / triple room) which has already been sorted for us by Emily who came the previous day.

I took a tour out to to the Cu Chi tunnels, about 1 hour out of Saigon. These 121km of tunnels were used for defensive and offensive purposes as well as supply routes, and living. The Americans couldn't penetrate with ground force (there were booby-traps everywhere!) or ponding the area with bombs dropped from B-52's bombs. On entering you're given a sticker and shown a quick anti-American video from that time, then a demonstration of some of the gruesome traps, then our guide shows us the holes and entrances they used, inviting us to have a go. However, a girl got stuck and it took a while, and four people, to pull her out, so we didn't get a go.

Now you see him...

Me and about 4 others did all three tunnels, getting progressively smaller until you're pretty much crawling on hands and knees. There are exits at the end of each tunnel should you wish to bail out. How the VC spent all that time down there in that heat and darkness I'll never fathom! As soon as  I was out into the fresh air my body exploded with sweat. I don't think I've ever sweat that much in such a short space of time.

While all this is happening you can hear gunfire from the range. After the tunnels you're taken over there and shown the array of weapons that you can fire, for a meaty price. I've never done anything like this before, and never will again so stumped up 350,000 dong for 10 shots of an AK-47, the Russian made, Vietnamese weapon of choice. It's quite unnerving being led to the firing range; the guns are deafening. As I walk down I've not had a chance to pop on my ear defenders and the Australian chap before me is mid-way though his 10 shots on a monster M60. Anyone that knows a little about guns would know that this is the American daddy of hand-held weapons, its insanely loud thumps instantly gave me tinnitus. I quickly put on my ear protectors! The weapons are attached to the the rails which is almost a shame but understandable; what's to stop a tourist turning around and killing the first ten people in sight, or indeed breaking their shoulder with the savage recoil? I squeeze the trigger and fire my 10 rounds, at a distant target on a huge dirt mound; slow at first, then BAM BAM BAM BAM *click* (empty). I have no idea if it hit it (the target or the dirt mound!) but it was fun, and an adrenaline rush! I head back to the holding area, collecting a full metal jacket on the way, with a big smile on my mush :)

A to the muthafuckin' K home-boy, A to the muthafuckin' kayyyyyyyy

The bus dropped some of us at the war museum on the way back to Saigon, where I met up with Talitha and Emily. The museum has a particularly interesting war photography section on the top floor - you need to have balls of steel to be a wartime photographer. London born Larry Burrows is a particular favourite, he took some powerfully striking shots before the helicopter he was in was shot down over northern Laos (incidentally not far from where I'm writing this diary now). In the museum grounds there's a selection of American war machines (no Vietnamese though, oddly enough) and I'm instantly drawn to the Huey, where Talitha ops for the big black fire-spitting tank.

One day this shall be mine

Hoochie and the war machine

Every evening we're out on the street. There are people everywhere, perched on tiny plastic seats, spilling out onto the road. There's now a large group of us, collected from various parts of Vietnam (mostly Emily's Ha Long naked party cruise!). This is pretty much the evening theme for the next few days! Bia hoi is cheaper than water and flows like water. We don't move except to make space for more people or to shuffle under the canvas when the rains come or to go and see Emily do a couple of impromptu gigs in a nearby bar. Good times :)

Mui Ne, Vietnam

Off the bus from Na Trang (shudder) and before finding our hostel we spot a delicious looking little German owned cafe called Sinhbad (I think the spelling is purposely incorrect?). Chicken shish kebabs - yes please! Over the next few days we devour three of these, washed down with an iced coffee.

While eating my kebab I notice that my TSA number padlock is open and hanging on for dear life. On closer inspection I can see that a TSA unlock key has been used, these are only normally issued to airports for bag inspections, so they don't have to break your lock, but I'm sure you can buy them on the interweb. So, someone's opened it between Na Trang (shudder) and Mui Ne. Thing is this lock doesn't do anything, it merely clips onto the top of my bag in transit and I use it for lockers in hostels, and nothing is missing from the bag. I've heard stories of people sitting in the bus holds, rummaging through peoples bags, and the buses sometimes stop frequently with people fussing around the bus. The bus was run by the less than popular Cuc Tung travel agency (see my last post).

Dorm

We stay at the Mui Ne backpackers (Vietnam Austria house). A pleasant mini-resort with dorm's and rooms on various levels. It has a nice pool and backs right onto the beach, although a recent storm had destroyed the sea wall, and workmen were back and forwards fixing it. In the dorm we met some nice people (apart from the mute (ignorant) French guy who had a girl in top bunk with him). A man with a remote control pops his head around the door and switches the dorm A/C off at 8am, then back on at 5pm, leaving you sweltering if you're inside during the day.

Storm damage

Mui Ne is kite-surfing crazy! There must be a million kite-surfing schools here. There are 50 or so kites on the water at one time when we were there, but in high season there can be as many as 300! The wind is consistently solid which is a nice distraction from the heat. Oddly enough Mui Ne also has a myriad of mega-resorts, mostly Russian. Not really the kind of place kite-surfers (or backpackers) would, or could afford to, stay. This leaves you feeling like Mui Ne has an identity crisis. You can walk up and down the beach, but you can't sit on any of the loungers, as they're all resort owned (I got moved on several times). So all I did was go to the beach early (6:30am) for a tan top-up, a run and a swim, then hide from the sun for the rest of the day! (I still got very sunburned)

One day we took a tour. What might be the bargain of the century. For $8 a classic Russian (ex-Vietnam war) jeep picks you up and takes you to the fairy stream, to the white sand dunes then to the red sand dunes. Doesn't sound like much but there's big distances involved. A grand day out, returning at 6pm. Note: you have to pay extra for sand-sledges or quad-bikes. I took tons of pictures so I'll stop waffling and post some;

Fairy stream

Amazing colours and quicksand

Floating

Into the clouds

Sunset over the red sand dunes

Russian jeep

A group of us have a couple of nice nights out; one at Joes next door (which has never ever closed since opening) and one at a highly rated local curry house, Ganesh, which was truly delicious (and spicy), and my first dip back into a curry since purposely detoxing from India! Oh and talking of Ganesh I ripped my Ganesh t-shirt, on the shoulder, pulling my rucksack up, so *fanfare*, I bought a new one - finally! It's more of a polo shirt, brown, Lacoste, but it's an overdue addition to the smarter end of my "wardrobe".

Na Trang, Vietnam

Na Trang is the costa del sol of Vietnam. The seafront is littered with huge non-descript international hotels, bars and disco's. We arrive off the night bus at the office of Cuc Tung at 6am and have a nice Banh Mi (baguette) and Ca Phe from a street seller while waiting for the office to open.

On the night bus

It opens at 7am and a miserable man rudely tells us that we should have booked the ticket the day before. We complained that we'd tried yesterday but he shrugs and tells us we'll now have to go tomorrow, then rides off on his moped. Er OK, we'll just stay in Na Trang then shall we! Out of pure annoyance I'd just like to post this link to someone having a mega-moan about Cuc Tung.

Cuc Tung - they don't want to help you

We book the ticket for same time next morning and check into a nice little guest house (Cam Tien - $10 for an a/c double) and proceeded to be bored by Na Trang. The beach itself wasn't too bad though and I sat and watched the kite surfers for quite a while. I also liked the lit Eiffel tower cable supports over to Pearl island, or whatever it's called. This really could be any generic beach resort in the world if it wasn't for the communist reminders dotted amongst the capitalist backdrop. I feel like I've written too much about this place already.

Don't forget, will you?

The most interesting thing in Na Trang?

Hoi An, Vietnam

The journey down the coast up the Hai Van pass is possibly one of the most beautiful coach journeys I've ever been on. Out of the right windown the rolling green fields roll up to peaking hills to the Laos border and on the left the sparkling blue coast winds as far as the eye can see. It leaves you uncertain which way to look! Top Gear described the journey (and road) as one of their all-time favourites.

The train would be equally as nice I'm sure

We checked into the only remaining hotel in Hoi An, the Dai Long ($15 for an a/c double) for the first night, as it was a public holiday and swarms of Vietnamese descended on the town!  It's a picture postcard shopping mecca. You can have anything you want, handmade, in a day. Hundreds and hundreds of shops line the streets offering to put something together for you from your description, a picture, website or from their own catalogues. It's not really my scene, this shopping thing. Ask anyone that knows me! It's not that I dislike shopping, more that I have no idea what to buy so get fed up. There's one person who really helps me, to the point of me giving her my credit card and her choosing £500 worth of goods, which get delivered to my door (no, it's not my mother). I was thinking about buying a suit here but I've lost 10kg since I started travelling, and a fitting now would be inaccurate when I get home and pile that western fat back on. Talitha had some cute leather shoes made almost identical to a picture on a website. They certainly look well made (they're still going strong one month later) so I feel I should give props to the makers;

Shopping aside there's not much else to do. There's eating and drinking of course and Hoi An has many beautiful restaurants set in French colonial buildings but they don't financially benefit the long-term budget traveller, so we eat in the tasty cheap set meal joints (with bia hoi for 4000dong!). At night the town is beautifully lit up with lanterns hanging everywhere, on the bridge, the river, draped amongst the flowers on the colonial buildings and up the high street. It's not so much a backpacking destination, it's more for couples and families, but it's worth a stop even if only for one night.  

We hire four motorbikes. They are key here, giving you the freedom to visit one of the many beaches up the coast. We avoid the town beach and have a quick swim at An Bang. We then decide to find some even quieter beaches further north but all of the land north of the open beaches in Hoi An has been bought by foreign million dollar resorts, although they don't seem to have built anything yet, or started to build something but didn't finish. We find one derelict looking building around 8km north of Hoi An and wheelspin the motorbikes over the sand for a closer look. Steve, a friend of Emily, heads in first when a security guard, with gun, appears from nowhere. Time to leave. Even further north security men sit in little huts on the roadside sadly preventing us getting to these beaches. In the end we give up and head back to Hoi An. Shame that someone, looking for a little quiet beach, can't just turn up and have a swim, or bathe for an hour on this beautiful coastline. 

The next day Talitha stays back to write her blog so me and Kylie share a bike and Steve and Emily share a bike. We scoot off and get lost around some back roads, then head north on the main road to Da Nang. About 10km up the road Steve's bike gets a puncture, right outside a "garage" (some guys house!). He repairs it quick-time and we're off again.

Mr. Fix it

We're approached by a seemingly innocent lady on a moped, telling us that we're near the marble mountains and we can park in her shop if we like. With no beaches about, and having read about the marble mountains, we follow her and park in her shop which sells a million marble carvings from the tiniest Buddha to the biggest horse statue (complete with realistic penis) which are all ship-able to your home country. We get a ticket and head past a stupid plastic penguin bin (wtf?) up the stairs to the top of the tourist mountain where there is a rock temple and some ancient carvings of Buddha in caves with various sharp and slippery rocks to clamber on (and thorn trees to put your hands on) to get to the summit, for some fantastic views.

Back down and collecting the bikes we of course had to "just look" in the ladies shop. Despite the  impressive array of marble goods I don't purchase anything as it adds quite a bit of weight to the long-term travellers backpack, and I already have various Buddha souvenirs.

The ride home in the afternoon sunshine was irresponsible bliss with clear fast stretches of road and whooping overtaking, fast accelerating, cornering and braking (occasionally delivering Kylie's breasts into my upper back) then cruising into the town to return the bikes, have a quick shower then straight on the night bus to Na Trang (shudder!)

Hue, Vietnam

After the mission getting to Phong Nha we wondered how to get out. Luckily there was a pre-booked minibus direct to Hue, from the farmstay. At 6am a swish mini-minibus dropped us to the decrepid main minibus. We were the only westerners on this loaded bus and had to bounce around at the back while the bus growled down the bumpy road, all windows open, melodic horn to blaring! I like these journeys as they're a lot more memorable than easy, comfortable ones. Talitha over-hydrated before embarking and half way through the journey desperately needed the toilet. We stop at a garage and the driver refuses to let her go, as it's a quick fuel stop. He informs her that we'll stop in five minutes time, to the sympathies of the other passengers. Fifteen minutes later we stop and Talitha bolts!
An hour later and we're at the Hue bus depot just out of towm. We ignore the motorbike taxis and hop on a crowded local bus, bags and all, prompting some discussion and pointing from other passengers. We squeeze off and sweat our way across the bridge to Hue backpackers; our home for the next few days.

The bus - once the crowds departed

Hue backpackers (they also have a branch in Hanoi) has everything the discerning MC Hammer-trouser-westerner could want: beer, grungy (grungie?) guitar music, burger and beer (beerger) nights, fish & chips nights, curry nights, drinking games, many flavoured vodka shots (one called arse), pretty barmaids and silly t-shirts for sale. We settle into the comfortable dorm, meet our new roomie, Ozzzie David, then scoot off down the road in search of food.

HQ

Our first culture stop was the citadel. Now pretty much flattened from the French then Americans it's not much to look at but has a fascinating history and some amazing carp in the entrance pond. Out the back entrance we carry on the walk around the city walls, grab a sweet coffee and stroll through the markets before heading back to western headquarters.

Work it... yea, more hips... MORE HIPS

David tells us that it's his birthday today so we have a burger and wash it down with a few Huda and festival beers (it is beerger night after all). We inform the staff and they very kindly sort a delicious cake and sing happy birthday as only the Vietnamese could. The cake gets munched by everyone in the bar and we continue with the drinking, buying David a shot of arse (vodka and fish oil) to really send him on his way! Hic.

I've been left partuicularly numb in the religion region since leaving India. Apparently only 20% of Vietnamese are active Buddhists but Hue is touted as the spiritual capital of Vietnam so i'm expecting to see something. We hire bicycles and head off in the specific direction of a temple & pagoda, to a complete fail (some issues with the Lonely Planet map guv!). But this is not an issue. My favourite days in cities have always been to go with no plan. In this case we found some hyper-local backstreets, giant Catholic graveyards, a huge warrior statue and a vegetarian restaurant that gave us some pork!

"vegetarian" restaurant (the food was delicious)

Waiting for the train...

When I pop my clogs I would like a statue of me - this size.

Where's Hoochie-Minh?

Breaking from the random cycle routing I could see a temple from a hill, so decided that would be our next destination. An hour later, and a bike race with some local kids, we find a deserted back-street leading to what seems like an extremely Buddhist area containing a Thai Monastery, a temple, some large Buddha statues, an incredibly lifelike waxwork of "Hoa Thuong Ho Nhan" (I hope I have that correct) and some plastic wild animals. I cannot find any information about it on the web. Maybe someone reading this might know?

Writing above the Monastery entrance

Hoa Thuong Ho Nhan & me. Same Same!

Many mini-Stupa'

Vietnamese kiss: day 3

Phong Nha, Vietnam

This was never going to be easy. The open bus ticket is severely limited to the main stops. Phong Nha, and nearby town Dong Hoi are certainly not one of these! Nested mid-country somewhere between Hanoi and Hue we asked if the overnight bus could drop us at Dong Hoi, as it's on the way, to which they agreed. Fingers crossed we went to sleep expecting to be shouted at to get off the bus when we arrived. Luckily (or unluckily) I didn't sleep much and could see that we were approaching Dong Hoi so woke Talitha up and gathered our stuff. Sure enough, 10 minutes later, we were silently hurried from the bus at 5am, with everyone else still snoring.

legroom

Dong Hoi is dead at 5am with just the odd motorbike pootling about, viewing us with confusion. With no help from a nearby hotel (except the use of their toilet) we head out looking for the bus station guided by the LP map. After walking past an odd assortment of government buildings, one of which had an American warplane and a tank in its front garden, we arrive at the quiet little bus station, much to the bemusement of the locals. Asking about a bus to Phong Nha leads to differences in opinions: some people saying there's no bus, some giving us one time and some saying another. I go and grab a meaty breakfast baguette from a bakery we spotted on the walk over and get back to a conclusion. "This goes to Phong Nha now!". Off we go, still a little unsure if this is correct. We must've travelled around 10km when we're ushered off the bus. Asking the passengers where we go next we're pointed to the other side of the road, where there is some dirt. The bus roars off and motorbike taxis loom down. They explain that there's no bus, but having heard this a lot we're not convinced. I get a second and third opinion from a shop owner then garage attendant, who look at me like they'd never seen a white person. They tell me that there's no bus so we sit with a staring party, in a cafe, in the middle of somewhere, on the junction of the road that clearly leads to Phong Nha. We admit defeat and call the farmstay, who agree to come and pick us up (for 300,000 dong). So close :)

View from the farmstay

The farm and surrounding countryside are breathtaking. Fields of wheat and corn as far as the mountains in the distance seperating Vietnam with Laos. The farm building is tall with an open front and back making it bright and airy. There's a nice back garden with swimming pool, a pool table and bar inside and lots of chairs to lounge on. The farmstay is run by an Australian chap and his Vietnamese wife  who speaks with an interesting mix of the two accents. Our dormatory is in a seperate building belonging to the brother of the Vietnamese lady. It's another tall farmhouse and is possibly the hottest dorm I've ever stayed in, despite the ammount of fans working overtime.

Communal area

Hot dorm

We spend the day relaxing, updating the diaries, reading and eating. The farmstay run tours to the local caves and they're keen for us to join these, but we've already decided to get a motorbike and have an adventure ourselves. That evening we have a sunset walk accompanied by the farm dog, who doesn't seem fussy who he walks with.

Next morning we crawl out of the sauna as soon as it's light, able to bear no more. Bryan, who I met in India, said to me: if you only go to one cave in Vietnam make it the Paradise cave. Tooled up with motorbike, suncream, hats, useless map from the farmstay, water and swimming costumes I give Talitha a quick lesson on how to work a semi-automatic motorbike and we pootle down the dirt track to the main road. It takes about an hour to reach the paradise cave system in the Nha-Ke Bang national park (with a couple of wrong turns and a stop off at a cute Catholic church). You're supposed to pay to enter the national park but if you tell the guards that you're just here for a quick swim they let you pass (you still have to pay to get into the cave).

At only 10am the heat is already unbearable so the path from the car park to the cave is a very welcome leafy, butterfly filled pleasure. We are the only people walking with everyone else opting to take the non-complimentory golf carts and mowing down the poor butterflies; minus one for conservation. Approaching the cave you can feel pockets of sublime cool air emanating from the cliffs like natural air conditioning - so nice!!

Tiny cave entrance leads to this gaping chasm!

The cave entrance itself is merely a hole, barely enough to fit some stairs down. The cave was only discovered in 2005 by British explorers and is 31km long and a dizzying 100m high in places. They were so impressed with the features they named it the Paradise cave (Thien Duong). It's been open to tourists since 2010. I've been to many caves in my billion years in this universe but this one is astonishing! It was extremely quiet when we were there and at the deepest point tourists can go we were actually the only people. I can only imagine how terrifying being 1km underground would be if the lights were to go out. I'll shut up typing and give you a handful of images I took on my 5D. The images are not edited in any way as I have no software for this (on my travels). Talitha is my beautiful assistant trying to give the images some perspective!

Giant stalagmite (might touch the ceiling... remember? From school?)

1km underground

Cave exit

Leaving the chilled caves we immediately broke into sweat. The difference in temperature is ridiculous. On the way out I noticed this sign and had to take a shot. Being drunk and mental illness are the same?!

Out the caves on the road back there's a spot on the river that you can bathe at (for a small fee). We got into the cool water only to be suddenly surrounded by beer drinking, shouty locals. Back out the water and clambering out of bounds downstream over hot boulders produced a much more discreet spot!

Back on the bike to the farmstay for supper. On the way back we stopped for gas, and I got off the wrong (i.e. not left) side of the bike (amateur passenger!) burning my leg on the exhaust and giving myself a "Vietnamese kiss". Very common in this part of the world. It seems you're not a real motorbikey person until you have one, or something. I'll post update pictures in the coming months!

As a final note I would just like to say that Phong Nha is my absolute favourite place in Vietnam.

Nice helmet

Vietnamese kiss - day 1